It's called an elevator

Watching The Big Bang Theory last night (my current favourite), the scene in which Sheldon and Penny are having a conversation as they walk the numerous flights of stairs to their apartments. On each landing they pass the elevator doors, criss-crossed with 'Out of Order' tape. In the ad break 9 Year Old Boy turns to me and asks "Mummy, why are so many of those rooms out of order?".

This is what you get for having kids

After the post about the bean bag explosion EEB's mum emailed me with the story of the time she had taken EEB and his sister shopping and they managed to open the zip on a bean bag and spill the beans all over the store. EEBM quite rightly pretended they weren't with her (oh how many times have I done that).

It's no secret that children were put on this planet to embarrass their parents. When 9 Year Old Boy was a toddler he couldn't make his 't' sounds, and replaced them with 'f'. Imagine if you will how much fun it is when, in the middle of a busy doctor's surgery filled with old ladies, your son announces that he has just seen out the window "the biggest f**k ever"!

Then there was my friend whose daughter went to play at a friends house and decided to indulge her artistic side. Not long after she came home her mum was startled to receive a phone call from the friend's mum, who just wanted to let her know that a certain little girl had written on her son's penis. (Can't have been a very long sentence, one imagines). Luckily the friend's mum had a sense of humour.

When I was a teenager, living with my foster family, my one and a half year old foster sister decided her doll's hair needed washing and promptly did so ... in the toilet!

Thirteen Year Old Girl has always had a knack for asking awkward questions. On one occasion when she was teeny we arrived at my grandparents' house for a family gathering. Great-Grandpa was nowhere to be seen, and upon enquiring wee girl was told he was in the toilet. "Is he sitting down or standing up?" she asked the assembled family members.

Fast forward to another family gathering, wee girl's dad was somewhat uncomfortable at the time having been stricken with epidydimitis ('epidydimis' being the tubing in the testicles, 'itis' being an infection - you do the math) and wee girl was under strict instructions not to jump on him. Well she arrived at grandparents' house, bounced straight onto Great-Grandpa's lap for a cuddle, stopped for a moment then turned to GG and asked very seriously "Grandpa do YOU have infected testicles?".

All I can say is they better look after me in my dotage, because I've earned it!

Puppy training

So, Eccentric English Boyfriend, 12 Year Old girl, 8 Year Old Boy, The Menagerie and myself have finally set up house together. Three weeks ago we moved into our new house, and it still looks like an explosion in a box factory. It's a big house, but we have a lot of stuff.

To add to the chaos that comes with shifting and combining two households we have added to The Menagerie - we've adopted a border collie cross puppy from the SPCA who we've named Jessie, and she's gorgeous. And excitable. And chews stuff. And poos. And wees. And did I mention chews stuff?



She is a lovely girl though, and is responding really well to training. The whiteboard on the wall of our kitchen has written on it a list of the commands we use for Jessie, so that we are all using the same command (ie 'sit', 'don't chew that', 'stay', 'come back here with my bra' and so forth). The other day as I was getting the kids prepared for school in the morning EEB was in the hall attempting to put his boots on so he could go to work. His attempt was obviously not going very well, and judging by the yelling coming from the hall it was probably a lot to do with the fact that he had a small puppy hanging off his shoe laces. He may not have been finding it very amusing but we all did, and after giggling at the commotion for a while 12 Year Old Girl emerged from the kitchen with a wicked grin. "Mum, I've written a new command on the whiteboard" she giggled, and sure enough at the bottom of the list she had written:

"FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

The Great Hunter - The Early Years

It is another blisteringly hot Auckland day today, and my cats are all stretched out in the shadiest spots they can find, moving only when the passage of the sun dictates. Marvin in particular suffers during summer, although his coat is the shortest it is also the most dense (rather like him, I am afraid!), and on days like this his slothfulness knows no bounds.

Marvin wasn't always like this however - six years ago he was a frisky, bristly, playful, clumsy kitten (ok he's still clumsy). One particular day when he was only a few months old I heard him come barrelling in through the cat door and rowl for me in that voice that cats do when they've brought you a present. Sighing, I headed for the dining room, preparing myself for the carnage I would find, and there was Marvin proud as punch in the middle of the dining room rowling expectantly and standing over his prey. The look on his face said it all - 'look mum, I caught it, and I killed it, and I brought it for you, and I'm so clever, aren't I mum?'.

And his prey? One very large, very dead ... leaf!

He went on to be a great hunter, who brought us all manner of things (including, on two separate occasions, tuis). At the ripe old age of six he no longer hunts (obviously that would require too much energy), but I still like to remind him of his first big kill!