This is what you get for having kids

After the post about the bean bag explosion EEB's mum emailed me with the story of the time she had taken EEB and his sister shopping and they managed to open the zip on a bean bag and spill the beans all over the store. EEBM quite rightly pretended they weren't with her (oh how many times have I done that).

It's no secret that children were put on this planet to embarrass their parents. When 9 Year Old Boy was a toddler he couldn't make his 't' sounds, and replaced them with 'f'. Imagine if you will how much fun it is when, in the middle of a busy doctor's surgery filled with old ladies, your son announces that he has just seen out the window "the biggest f**k ever"!

Then there was my friend whose daughter went to play at a friends house and decided to indulge her artistic side. Not long after she came home her mum was startled to receive a phone call from the friend's mum, who just wanted to let her know that a certain little girl had written on her son's penis. (Can't have been a very long sentence, one imagines). Luckily the friend's mum had a sense of humour.

When I was a teenager, living with my foster family, my one and a half year old foster sister decided her doll's hair needed washing and promptly did so ... in the toilet!

Thirteen Year Old Girl has always had a knack for asking awkward questions. On one occasion when she was teeny we arrived at my grandparents' house for a family gathering. Great-Grandpa was nowhere to be seen, and upon enquiring wee girl was told he was in the toilet. "Is he sitting down or standing up?" she asked the assembled family members.

Fast forward to another family gathering, wee girl's dad was somewhat uncomfortable at the time having been stricken with epidydimitis ('epidydimis' being the tubing in the testicles, 'itis' being an infection - you do the math) and wee girl was under strict instructions not to jump on him. Well she arrived at grandparents' house, bounced straight onto Great-Grandpa's lap for a cuddle, stopped for a moment then turned to GG and asked very seriously "Grandpa do YOU have infected testicles?".

All I can say is they better look after me in my dotage, because I've earned it!

Another one of those 'awwwwwwwwwwwww' moments

I've just bought myself a new wallet, and when I was swapping stuff over from the old one I found two wee notes tucked away in a pocket. They were written by 13 Year Old Girl last year on my birthday, as instructions for herself and her brother regarding the preparation of my breakfast in bed.

The first note reads:

1. Presents
2. Tea (strong)
3. Toast x2 (Marmite)
4. Book (Princess Handbook)

Note that I was provided with reading material, the Princess Handbook is very appropriate is it not?

Second note:

1. Wake up early
2. Be happy
3. Breakfast in bed
4. Big hugs for Mum
5. Happy birthday

I know I've said this before, but it bears repeating: I love my kids!

Everyone has an opinion - bless them!

The thing about parenting is that from the instant you announce your impending arrival to the world everyone has an opinion for you. Breastfeeding, toilet training, two year olds, siblings - the list is as long as the many phases in a child's life. Coming from other parents I can understand it, and I've even been guilty of it myself - the thing is when you've survived a childhood phase and you and your child come out the other side of it (more or less) intact you're pretty damn proud of yourself and eager to share your new-found wisdom with others in the most well meaning way. So when other parents feel inclined to give me unsolicited advice I nod, smile, and sometimes follow it if I think it's worthwhile. When the advice comes from non-parents I nod, smile and generally ignore it (whilst quietly smirking over the shock they're going to get when they actually have children of their own!).

I've noticed this happening again recently because my gorgeous daughter has just turned thirteen. Yep, that's right folks, I have a teenager in the house, and if I'm to believe the comments I've had from some, it's all downhill from here - a hellish dive into sex, drugs and rock and roll which I'm led to believe I'm completely unprepared for. What really gets my hackles up is when people make these comments in front of my daughter. I've always believed that if a person hears negative comments about themselves often enough they're likely to start believing, and embodying, those comments.

Why is it that teenagers are consistently viewed so negatively? I remember seeing a documentary many years about about a famous anthropologist whose area of speciality was teenagers, specifically the differences between teenagers in different cultures. Some of the cultures she studied had no concept of 'teenagers', no word for it in their vocabulary - children essentially went straight from childhood to adulthood, often with an accompanying ceremony to celebrate the event, and she observed in these cultures a lack of what we would think of as 'typical' troublesome teenage behaviour. I don't want to make broad brush stroke generalisations out of this, but it is food for thought isn't it?

The years ahead may be difficult, there may be times when I search frantically for the instruction manual that was through some oversight left out of my daughter's packaging, but in the end she knows I love her and I know she loves me (even on those days when I'm 'The Worst Mum In The World'). We'll come out the other side of The Teens, and I'm going to treasure every damn moment of it along the way.